just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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