You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
