His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
