I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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