First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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