Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
