We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
