Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
