All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
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We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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