obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
