Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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