I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
