Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
