Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
