I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
please don't ironically join a cult
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