Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
