I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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