Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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