DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
