I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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