Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
