I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize