i think my tv is drunk
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize