so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
