But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The adults are the big ones right?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
