It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
