u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
