Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
