And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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