I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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