The police scanner is talking about you again....
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
