Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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