dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
