i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
