I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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