Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
