I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My vagina is very pro this idea
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
