Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
