I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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