So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
