lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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