she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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