went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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