I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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