I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
