Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
