he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
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his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
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Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.