Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
