im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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