Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
