i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.