He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dating After Heartbreak
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.