The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You're like the curious george of whores
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
