Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm too high and old for this...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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