i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
