I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
