this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
