dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
