Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
