Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
