i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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