How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
As shirtless as possible
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
