Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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