what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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