The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You don't make any sense
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