I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
