So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
