Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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