we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
