Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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