She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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