There was a lot of him and a little penis
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
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She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
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S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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