Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
