I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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