I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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