I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
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