I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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