Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
