I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
